Be Kind to Yourself

I’m no expert.

I’m practicing.

Practice makes progress.

One step at a time.

My resume says that in the summer of 2009, I attended the Plano ISD Team Leader Academy. My memory from fifteen years ago is fuzzy. But—I do remember someone saying, “Take care of yourself. Body, mind, and spirit. You can’t take care of your students or your family unless you take care of yourself first.” On an overhead projector, there may or may not have been some sort of Venn Diagram with three overlapping circles. Perhaps the circles were separately labeled BODY and MIND and SPIRIT. The overlap in the center possibly said, WELLNESS. Regardless of the presentation, I remembered the idea.

As the years passed, sometimes my body was the strongest. I went to yoga for years and the gym for a spell. There was that boxing and kickboxing phase. Walking has always been my thing. But sometimes it’s too hot outside. Other times my spiritual side has prevailed. I’ve said my prayers, believed in miracles, attended church, practiced gratitude, experienced peace in the great outdoors.

It seems my mind often betrayed my body and spirit instead of working in sync. While teaching, even with the good advice, my wellness fell by the wayside. There were always papers to grade, lessons to plan, literature to read, tests to create, the next calendar to map out, parents to call—things that don’t happen inside of the classroom. There were the times I beat myself up for not being “good” enough—not a good enough teacher, mother, wife, lover, daughter, sister, friend, housekeeper, cook. How many times did I share a weakness with someone close to me to hear them say, “Crystal, be KIND to yourself”? Honestly, I didn’t know what that meant.

Part of me feels guilty telling others about my self-care BECAUSE I’m not working. Did you see that? Self-condemnation is so sneaky. Here’s the point: I know how hard it is to take CARE of SELF while doing the things of life. Nutrition might not be the priority, and so we drive-thru for fast food. After a long day, I loved nothing more than a glass of wine, which always meant three, at least for me. Maybe four. The following day, a potential hangover vs. WELLNESS.

Beginning last summer, I’ve prioritized my health. I didn’t start with a plan, and it didn’t happen all at once. I don’t pretend to be perfect, but I have nurtured my body, mind, and spirit. One step led to the next. Suddenly I noticed changes:

Spirit: Ray Bradbury advised me to read the Bible, and I did.
Mind: I looked at myself in the mirror and tried an affirmation. This led to more affirmations along with meditation. Search YouTube for more.
Mind: I learned a secret about the power of connection.
Mind: Self-celebration is not only okay. It’s sometimes necessary.
Body, Mind, Spirit: I started a dance class for the first time in 34 years.
Spirit: Many of us have Christmas wrong. It’s about hope, peace, joy, and love, not stress.
Body: I started 2024 with Dry January which led to Alcohol Free February. Since then, I’ve had drinks and re-started. I’m up to 126 sober days and counting.
Body: I upped my fruits and vegetables and cut my sugar.
Spirit: I downloaded the Bible app for the Verse of the Day. On the same app I started a plan to read the Bible in a year, 20 minutes a day for the reading and commentary.
Body, Mind, Spirit: The following books taught me a thing or two about self-care:
- The Highly Sensitive Person
- The Emotion Code
- Atlas of the Heart
- The Untethered Soul
- The Four Agreements
- The 5 Second Rule
- You Can Heal Your Life

This year I’m believing in—the power of intention, do-overs, progress over perfection, kindness and compassion for self and others, one day at a time, and asking God for help. And you know what? My experience keeps me believing.

Daily writing prompt

How do you practice self-care?

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Favorite Moments

Describe one of your favorite moments.

Bear with me.

Before leaving my house on my last seven-hour road trip, I downloaded Ann Pachett’s Tom Lake on audio. The story begins with the narrator auditioning for Our Town.

I read Our Town in high school, and all I remember is the author’s name—Thornton Wilder. Thirty years later or so, a former student invited me to his performance at the University of Houston. He had a small part, but it’s a beautiful play, he said.

This time eight years have gone by. I remember silent tears streaming down my face during the final act as I sat in the dark theater. Now, I still can’t remember the story or why I cried. Memory is funny like that. What I won’t forget is my full heart on the drive home and the wonderful autumn moon, hanging huge, full, and low in the indigo sky.

So—I downloaded the audio of the 1938 Pulitzer Prize for Drama to revisit a vague but heartfelt memory.

Act I begins with the birth of twins and zooms in on various townspeople including George Gibbs and Emily Webb, childhood next-door neighbors. She helps him with his math homework through their open bedroom windows. Emily says, “I can’t work at all. The moonlight’s so terrible.” An interesting word choice—terrible—she uses it twice as she contemplates the moon and explains the math problem at hand. She says, “George, don’t you see?” He says he sees, but he’s talking about math. He thanks her, and the friends say goodnight. Each of them talk with their dads afterwards.

Upon arrival to my destination, I Googled a copy of Our Town. The moonlight transforms from terrible to won-derful. How quickly things change! The interaction between friends seems the beginning of a budding mutual interest. There’s a motif of not seeing and problems. I can’t help thinking of the beginning of my friendship with my husband. I was fourteen. He was fifteen. (Click here for that favorite moment.)

Our Town spoiler alert:

In Act II, Emily and George get married, but first there’s a flashback where Emily tells George he’s “awful conceited and stuck-up” and that he doesn’t have time to speak to anybody because he’s all wrapped up in baseball. George appreciates her candor. That’s when they knew they were meant for each other. 😂 But right before the wedding, the kids are both having second thoughts. Emily goes as far as saying she hates George and wishes her own death.

Emotions are human. Connection is everything.

I notice another motif in the choir that sings “Blessed Be the Tie That Binds.” And another motif of parental comfort. And I remember a time after I married Kody when I told my mother that I hated him. In her comforting way, she said, “There’s a fine line between love and hate.”

In Act III, Emily dies in childbirth. In the afterlife, she observes her father-in-law laying flowers from her funeral on her mother-in-law’s grave. “Oh, Mother Gibbs,” Emily says, “I never realized before how troubled and how… how in the dark live persons are. Look at him. I loved him so. From morning till night, that’s all they are—troubled.”

Against the advice of other dead townspeople, Emily decides to go back and relive one happy day from her life. Mrs. Gibbs says, “Choose the least important day in your life. It will be important enough.” And that seems to be the point. Everyday life is what matters.

Emily revisits the morning of her twelfth birthday. She agonizes over the beauty and transience of everyday life and realizes she can never go back, only forward. As Emily settles in among the dead, George lays by her tomb. “They don’t understand,” she says of the living. The stars come out over Grover’s Corners, and the play ends.

So much to think about here—how all of life goes this way—birth to death—beginning, middle, end—how even good girls like Emily have dark thoughts—how often the best memories stem from seemingly insignificant moments if only we pay attention.

“All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players…” (Shakespeare, *As You Like It).*

The Simple Things

My friend Pamela gave me a pink leather journal. In bold script the cover says,

“A girl should be two things: who and what she wants.”

Coco Chanel

Below that: INSPIRING QUOTES AND ART

And so, I’ve saved this journal for inspiring words. The publisher filled it with quotes of feminine empowerment, many anonymous:

“One woman can make a difference but together we can rock the world.”

“Behind every successful woman is a tribe of other successful women who have her back.”

“She who is brave is free.”

“There is no force more powerful than a woman determined to rise.”

“Know your worth, then add tax.”

I’ve filled it with inspiration of my own. As I read good things, I journal, a newish quirk that brings me joy. Since the beginning of this year, I’ve taken 11 pages of notes from The Four Agreements and 3 pages of quotes from my current read, The Alchemist.

I’ve included scripture like the verse guiding me in 2024:

“‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you HOPE and a FUTURE.'”

Jeremiah 29:11-13

I’ve included Instagram quotes:

I don’t chase. I attract. What is meant for me is coming to me, what belongs to me will simply find me. I am a magnet.

Jim Curtis

The Alchemist follows the story of a shepherd boy across the deserts of North Africa after he dreams of finding treasure at the pyramids. I’m on page 61. It reads like a fable. I’m thoroughly enjoying. Here’s the beginning of my current collection:

“We have to be prepared for change, he thought, and he was grateful for the jacket’s weight and warmth” (10).

Paulo Coelho

I’m a book-review reader and always amazed at how some seem to enjoy ripping apart the creative endeavors of others. The wisdom of a shepherd boy (on page 10) is enough for me to love this book. How many of us suffer by rejecting the inevitability of change? What if we all chose gratitude?

Words have power. To build us up. To tear us down. We can choose our focus. I choose simple things that lift me up. Good words. Gratitude. Joy.

Daily writing prompt

Describe one simple thing you do that brings joy to your life.

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Summer Vibes

I didn’t feel like it, so I didn’t worry about it. Maybe no one noticed. It’s not like this is a paid position, and I could have other, more productive things to do. Productivity improves well-being. Time is precious. My brain power is limited. My eyes get tired. How often do I stumble across the benefits of decreasing screen time? Greater mindfulness. Improved sleep. Deeper connections. More productivity. Breaking the habit. (For more information click link to Greater Good.)

Maybe Ally’s recent post was on my mind. She announced SPRING/SUMMER hours—cutting back from weekly posts to posting every couple of weeks and trying to keep up with other bloggers every so often. I get it. Sometimes it’s tough to keep up. Sometimes I ask myself why I feel compelled. Maybe Ally is onto something: it’s okay to take a break. Perhaps it’s GOOD to take a break. Perhaps the break will rejuvenate my blogging spirit. Perhaps the break will inspire MORE healthy decisions.

In seven years of blogging, I haven’t tried summer hours. But—the time has come. I need a break, and I’m proud of myself for listening to my gut. My gut says, “You might want to post next week.” If so, I will. I’m giving myself the freedom to choose. In the name of summer and breaks and self-care, it’s not you. It’s me. In the name of Faith and Gratitude, Peace and Hope, I love you guys and appreciate so much the support felt here.

✝️🩵✌🏼✨

How do you know when it’s time to unplug? What do you do to make it happen?

Bye Seroma

Oww, my little tender spot, my tender spot,
Why you gotta mess up my time, Seroma?
Oww, you really are not fun, you are not fun
Please, you gotta say, Goodbye, Seroma.
Yeah, you better stop, give it up, such a tender spot
I pray you slip away, please today, then stay away,
Goodbye, bye, bye, ay, ay, oww!
B-b-b-bye, Seroma.

Post lumpectomy, a seroma replaced my lump. An inflammatory response to injury, it’s a buildup of fluid where tissue has been removed and common after breast cancer surgery. It may go away on its own, anywhere from one month to a year. I’m approaching the eight-week mark. I’ve asked God to take it and written a send-off song. It’s a small price to pay for cancer removal. Worst case scenario, the fluid will need to be drained. My doctor wants it to absorb on its own. Drainage often perpetuates repeat drainage, and there’s more risk of infection.

The owws above are a bit melodramatic. I’m not taking anything for pain, and when I’m completely still, I hardly feel it. Other times, I can just be driving along, minding my own business, and hit a pothole in the road. “Oww!” Sometimes my own arms get in the way, you know, just swinging during a walk, driving with hands at 10 and 2, or trying to sleep on my side.

My doctor advises continued use of a compression bra 24/7 and avoidance of intense jostling. Google suggests the help of a heating pad. I’m doing the things. Maybe my little friend is shrinking. Maybe I’m hopeful.

While researching anti-inflammatory foods, I read advice about incorporating 30 different fruits and vegetables into my diet per week. This seemed almost impossible until I grocery shopped and started my count. On Sunday, I diced (1) jicama and (2) a pineapple and sprinkled the salad with tajin to top off my ground beef tostadas, which included (3) bell pepper, (4) serrano, and (5) onion. Yesterday for lunch, I made myself a salad with (6) romaine and (7) spinach, (8) cucumber, (9) tomato, onion, and a little chopped roast beef, along with my jicama and pineapple. As I typed this post, I craved a snack and opted for (10) a mandarin orange. I found myself taking inventory of my fresh fruit and veggie situation. This week, I have a plan for eating (11) avocados, (12) carrots, (13) potatoes, and (14) the strawberries on hand. Then there’s the (15) garlic, (16) lemons, and (17) limes. Of course, I won’t eat these last few foods whole, maybe the garlic—roasted. Perhaps I need more information about the rules.

In my head, I’m adding groceries to my next list when I Google “30 fruits and vegetables per week.” According to Women’s Health Magazine, it’s about eating 30 PLANTS per week—nuts and seeds, whole grains, herbs and spices, legumes, dark chocolate (70%) and coffee, tea and olive oil, frozen and canned types of F & V included. “Now this is completely doable,” I said to myself as I popped a handful of (18) almonds into my mouth. And to prove it to myself, I typed and snacked and counted and Googled health benefits, linking them and typing and snacking some more. From the fridge, I pulled the (19) hummus topped with (20) sesame seeds, and from the freezer, some (21) sugar snap peas, which I thawed under running water and devoured while dipping. I grabbed two Dove (22) dark chocolates in celebration of my gut microbiome revolution and fondly remembered my morning (23) coffee. A little later, I knocked out the taco meat on a corn tostada and topped it once more with jicama and pineapple.

Toward dinner time, I wasn’t hungry after my day of snacks. Home alone, Kody traveling for work, I poured (24) whole grain bran cereal into a bowl, topped it with succulent strawberries, honey, almond milk, and yum! Sometimes the littlest things make me so happy.

It never ceases to amaze me what I’m learning at age 54. For example, I’ve added a (25) turmeric with (26) organic ginger supplement to my daily routine. At one point in my life, I was anti-vitamin and supplement. I don’t know why. Honestly, I’ve never paid much attention to nutrition. Taking steps to learn is progress. I realize I’m on Day 3 of a 30-plants-per-week journey, but I only have one body. Realizing I must take care of it has been an epiphany, and my new-found determination is a journey of its own.

Knowing is step one. Doing what I know—step two. Persisting—step three.

Dear Seroma,

Take the time you need to finish teaching me how to nurture my body and love myself. I trust you as part of the healing process. My love and appreciation flows from me to you.

Simply,

Crystal

Daily writing prompt

What’s one small improvement you can make in your life?

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Dominos and Art Cars

In my mind, a domino falls, and another, and another, until the effect creates something beautiful and heartfelt.

Domino #1

It was June of last year when I resigned from my job without any sort of plan. People are curious how I spend my time, and it’s a great question. Somehow, I never have a great answer. I suppose I could say, “I’m a housewife.” That doesn’t seem to need much explanation. In truth, housewifing is not my strength. However, I’m good at enjoying my downtime. Travel opportunities have manifested. I don’t have to drop much to go. I read and write and exercise. I’m keeping my mind right, staying connected with friends and family, and of course, watching my share of TV.

Domino #2

I can’t remember exactly when I caught a series on Netflix called Live to 100: Secrets of the Blue Zones. In four episodes, the documentary focuses on centenarians living and thriving in Okinawa, Japan and the mountain villages of Sardinia, people on the Greek island of Ikaria and Costa Rica’s Nicoya Peninsula, and a pocket of Seventh-Day Adventists in a Californian suburb. Common elements and healthy habits contribute to longevity, including plant-based diets, natural movement (like walking and gardening), serene lifestyles, faith and hope, strong family bonds, like-minded communities, and a sense of purpose.

The Loma Linda episode made me think, specifically about volunteering. The show’s host says,

“People who volunteer have better memories, better social connections. They even report higher levels of happiness. If you think, it always involves some physical activity, involves some sense of meaning because you’re focusing on someone else other than just yourself.”

Domino #3

On February 8, my friend Georgia posted a volunteer opportunity on Facebook:

I typed, “I’m looking into it!”

Georgia responded, “It’s so fun. I think you’ll love it. Sign up to be my assistant.”

And that’s how I became Assistant to the Volunteer Coordinator of the 37^th Annual Houston Art Car Parade.

Domino #4

On the crisp April morning of the parade, I donned my bright orange volunteer t-shirt and drove nine miles from my house to a high school parking lot just west of downtown. I parked and then walked to the parade route on Allen Parkway in search of the volunteer tent and my friend Georgia.

The Katz Coffee van delivered coffee just after 8 AM, around the time I arrived along with another volunteer named Hal. Georgia gave us the breeziest jobs at the pre-parade. We would drive golf carts and shuttle other volunteers to their locations, so Hal and I hitched a ride with the coffee guy to City Hall, close to the golf cart pick up location. For all I know the coffee guy could’ve owned Katz Coffee. Everything happened so fast.

That’s how I came to drive a golf cart down Allen Parkway, wind in my face, as the sun rose over the skyscrapers at my back. The art cars were beginning to line up, and I snapped photo upon photo. Art was everywhere, alive and thriving. The energy was tangible.

By the time I returned to the volunteer tent, more volunteers were showing up, and my official job began. I shuttled the mother of a former student and caught up on his life. I shuttled my friend who substituted for me last year when I took some time off for my radiation treatments. I shuttled some high school kids who were volunteering because their moms said so. And then Georgia and Hal’s son showed up. He happens to be one of my favorite former students, and he said, “Good morning!” and gave me a big hug. The energy was heartfelt.

Brock Wagner, Founder/Brewer of Saint Arnold’s Brewery and the 2024 Houston Art Car Parade Grand Marshal.

Artists gather in Houston from around the nation, no other explanation.

Snapped pre-parade, later the mayor’s ride.

A water buffalo and an abundance of bling.

HEB grocery stores. A reason of its own to visit Texas.

A favorite from last year. Every first period he said, “Good Morning!” and asked, “How are you?” and told me, “Have a great day!”

Daily writing prompt

Describe a decision you made in the past that helped you learn or grow.

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The city of Houston has provided me so many opportunities for adventure. The decisions have been up to me. It’s where I made the decision to blog and to pursue my MFA, where I decided to dance again and to take care of myself. You learn and grow either way, despite the outcomes, but you never know until that first domino falls.

Warrior Woman

I was scared
for a moment
to remove the bandage
and the gauze
and face the scar.

In the hesitation,
a bold voice said, 
“Why, Warrior Woman? 
You are a survivor.
Scars show strength,
how you fight and heal,
overcome and thrive.
Fear is human.
So is pain.
This too shall pass.
May you be happy 
and well and free 
of suffering.”

Daily writing prompt

Who was your most influential teacher? Why?

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Life is the consummate teacher, and God keeps showing up with strength, peace, and hope for the lessons. May you be happy and well and free of suffering.

Let It Go

I don’t care to tell people I’m reading Self Help. The term carries a stigma as if I’m sitting here, crying, “Help me!” I’m not. Not that I never have. 54-year-old Crystal has learned to be so much kinder to herself than many of her earlier selves—maybe because of these recent books. If I had read any of them, let’s say ten years ago while experiencing a schizophrenia-low with my son, or back in 2017 when a hurricane flooded me, my family, and lots of things out of our home and we lived in a hotel ten months while rebuilding, or in 2020 when my mother died followed by my dog, or even last year when I experienced a cancer low, the timing might not have connected to an open mind. In my personal experience, if I believe something will work, it will. If I say, “There’s no way,” then I’m also right. This is why words have power—especially the words we reserve for ourselves. So—I would say these books fall into the genre of Self Kindness.

In November, I read The Emotion Code.

An entire post @ this link.
A one-sentence synopsis: If you hold onto negative emotions, they will become trapped in your body and make you sick, so let them go.
My take-away: With God’s help, I started letting go of the emotions that do not serve me, and voila! Life looks brighter.

In December and January, I read Atlas of the Heart.

Another post @ the link.
Another synopsis: Brené Brown and her team of researchers explore eighty-seven emotions and experiences that define what it means to be human.
My take-away: We’re all human. That means we all make mistakes. That means we must forgive both ourselves and others. So (see The Emotion Code synopsis)—LET IT GO. The research explains our emotions in detail, so we can better understand exactly what to release. A must read.

In January and February, I read The Untethered Soul.

I didn’t write a post.
Synopsis: LET IT GO, and your soul will be free.
My take-away: The more we judge others as well as situations, the more we judge ourselves. Life will have challenges. Release judgement of the challenges and challenging people and self. Pain and suffering are just things. Temporary things. Perhaps God will help if we ask. In my experience, He does.

There were times when reading a couple of these books that I became a little annoyed at the repetitive nature. I could’ve thought, “This is stupid,” and reshelved the book or left it on the porch for Goodwill. Instead, I kept an open mind, persevered to the end, found pieces worth appreciating, and started the next book on the list.

Now I’m reading The Four Agreements. It’s subtitled A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom and A Toltec Wisdom Book. Another must-read in my humble opinion.

The 1^st Agreement: Be Impeccable with Your Word

“We must understand what power comes out of our mouths…Your opinion comes from your beliefs, your own ego…When you are impeccable (literal translation “without sin”), you take responsibility for your actions, but you do not judge or blame yourself [or others]…If I love myself I will express that love in my interactions with you, and then I am being impeccable with the word, because that action will produce a like reaction.”
Don Miguel Ruiz

The agreements that follow are all based on the first one, and I’m seeing more LET IT GO:

The 2^nd Agreement: Don’t Take Anything Personally
The 3^rd Agreement: Don’t Make Assumptions
The 4^th Agreement: Always Do Your Best

I’ve noticed that the more I surround myself with good thoughts and energy, uplifting words and people, the more vibrant and healthy and at peace I feel. Of course, there’s always that tiny voice in my head that says, “Let’s see how you’ll handle the next (fill-in-the-blank).” Cue the evil laughter. I’m learning to let that go.

Well, recently I had a biopsy to confirm my clean bill of health. One week later, I received a call that included the words “cancer” and “surgery.” I wrote everything down. On Friday, March 15, I will have a little lumpectomy to scoop out those cells. I’ve known for over a year this would be a possibility, and I feel as if I’ve been training for this moment. I still feel vibrant and healthy and at peace. And to maintain the good, I’m talking with God, letting go of certain emotions, and turning off today’s comments. These are the last things I’ve learned.

Daily writing prompt

What is the last thing you learned?

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All You Can Do

I gave birth at age 19. I thought I had grown up. My son, my baby, was the love of my life. I would have done anything for him.

When he turned 19, suddenly I realized something was wrong. Maybe I knew before then, but for so many years, he was smart and kind, good to animals and good looking, loving to his sister and a cellist. Then, suddenly, he believed things that weren’t true. I was a witch, so was my mother. Cocaine was streaming through the air ducts of his bedroom. God bless him.

It was a journey…that discovery of schizophrenia. He had just turned 20. I cried many tears before learning the truth. And since then, since 2010, I’ve learned more. His reality is different than mine, and he doesn’t see a reason for help. You can’t help a person who can’t or won’t help themselves. All you can do is help your own self.

What experiences in life helped you grow the most?
daily prompt

Be Someone II

There’s an iconic sign on a railroad overpass just north of downtown Houston. It says…

*Courtesy of* https://www.besomeoneco.com/store/

I often think about what that means.

There’s an iconic Xeroxed copy of my 10-year-old face tucked away in a long-forgotten cardboard box. Lucky for 54-year-old me, I have the digital image. I often think about that little girl. Clearly, she has always wished for me to be unapologetically me…

That little girl inside me long ago learned the power of visualization. Inside our head, we saw the roundoff back handsprings and the back flips before we made it happen. That little girl is alive and well. She reminds me of the magic of vision and dreams. She wishes me a life lived to the fullest and says, “Let go of the past and step into who we’re becoming—wiser and kinder and stronger.” She nudges me to forgive those who hurt me and wish them well. She roots for me to be an example of what is possible and cherish every moment.

Perhaps being someone is about embracing, trusting, and standing up for our authentic self, speaking our truth, aging gracefully, walking our unique path, sharing our gifts, taking care of our needs—body, mind, and spirit—believing and dreaming, learning and growing, carrying an abundance of love, seeking the good in others, understanding that humans have faults. These are the things I’m learning at age 54 and somehow the things I’ve always known.