Alcohol-Free Diary

Encouragement, Goals, Healing, Health, Imperfection, Inspiration 6 Minutes

Since the beginning of 2024, I’ve been cheering myself along, jotting down thoughts in connection to my relationship with alcohol. It all started with Dry January. Some may think that sharing my personal diary is a bad idea, but sharing my truth takes courage, and vulnerability connects us, so I have no shame. We’re all human. I started the year strong, slipped into a slump, and began again. Perhaps you’ll find something here that helps you with a journey of your own.

January 1

I almost justified drinking today because it’s a holiday, but the thoughts were fleeting. Day 1 down. 

January 6

I’m 54. Outside of two pregnancies, this is my fourth alcohol free month (non-consecutive) since age 18. I started Reframe (an app to help me decrease alcohol consumption) in November on the cutback plan, without success. I gave up through the holidays and planned for Dry January. This is the first time I haven’t had cravings. I’ve been praying for myself (another breakthrough for me), and it works.

January 7

About 4 months ago, I started a dance class that includes some yoga, martial arts, mindfulness, and joy. I always leave feeling strong and centered. There are only three classes per week, one on Sunday, so I was headed there this morning. But—I had a flat tire before leaving my neighborhood. Muah. Muah. ☹️

I returned home disappointed and opted for online church. It was a message on changing your life by changing your habits. (Click HERE to view.)

No matter what you believe, there is good common sense in this message. And I’ve had some divine help over the past 7 days. Peace and hope for the journey.

January 9

9 Days. My longest AF (Alcohol Free) streak since April 2020. I began mental preparation for January back in November when I gave up tracking my drinks. I started 2024 believing in the following:

  • the power of intention
  • do-overs
  • progress over perfection
  • kindness and compassion for self and others
  • one day at a time
  • asking God for help with all of the above

January 11

In August 2022, I was diagnosed with Stage 1 breast cancer found through a routine mammogram. I was lucky we found it early, and it’s gone now (or so I thought on January 11).

Anyway, that’s when I became aware of the CDC’s (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention) guidelines for alcohol. One drink or less in a day for women. Two for men. “Ridiculous,” I thought.

After unsuccessfully trying to cut back, I said to myself, “Crystal, you are the ridiculous one. You only have one body. Why not treat it with tender-loving care?” It took me 54 years to realize none is easier than one (at least for me), and I became sober curious. I found myself asking God for help. And lo and behold, I feel the divine help. I’m not ready to resolve that I will never have another drink, but I intend to keep praying for myself. So far. So good. I believe in one day at a time.

January 12

I heard on the radio this morning that the end of the second week in January is called Quitter Day. Statistically more people give up their goals today. If you remain alcohol free (or persist with any goal), you are officially among the elite. 

January 13

Checked into a hotel for a Girls Weekend with friends. I was offered complimentary champagne or water, and I chose water.

January 15

“The power of intention is so doubt-deficient that when you’re connected to it you see what you’d like to have as already being present.”

Dr. Wayne Dyer

January 17

This past weekend, my lifelong friend Pamela was visiting from out of town. We attended Lakewood Church on Sunday.

Joel Osteen said, “Write your vision. Back it up with scripture.”

So here it goes:

I live a sober life that brings me clarity, health, peace, hope, joy, and love.

“‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’”

Jeremiah 29:11

Bring it, Day 17.

January 19

Weirdly I haven’t had many cravings. But—it’s Friday, so close to 5, and my husband has a drink in hand. 😳 I grabbed a LaCroix and squeezed a lime. It’s quite refreshing. 0 calories. 0 alcohol. 

January 21

This morning I’m thankful for reframed perspectives, 3-weeks AF, and for the first time ever, this budding idea of a permanent change to my relationship with alcohol.

January 24

I attended a meeting on the app today and heard this:

“Progress over punishment.” 

January 26

“Today is a gift and miracles are manifesting.” (Click HERE for more affirmations.)

January 29

This morning I’m reading The Untethered Soul (spiritual nonfiction) by Michael A. Singer. He says the mind is “very melodramatic (😂) … Just decide that no matter what the mind says, you aren’t getting involved.”

January 30

I always gain weight through the holidays. I. Just. Do. 

But—so many of those calories are from drinking. I’m officially down 8 pounds and ready for Day 31. Then Day 32.

February 3

My dance class moved to a new bigger studio in January with many spaces and options. I bought a pass for unlimited classes in February. Today’s attempt: aerial conditioning. 

It. Was. Hard. 

The students and teacher were all 20-30 years younger than me. But I hung in there. Pun intended.

February 8

“The genius thing we did was, we didn’t give up.”

Jay Z

February 9

Do you know what the best exercise is?

Wait for it…

The one you will do.

This morning on my way home from my 8th dance class in 8 days, I was thinking back to 2019 when I was going to Boxing and Kickboxing classes. Kody wanted us to do this “together.” Guess who went most often. 🙋‍♀️ I shaped up but not joyfully. Wrapping my fists and wearing gloves was not my journey, and I’m thankful to find my own path. 40 days sober.

February 10

My dad says this about cigarettes, but it applies here:

“I was really good at quitting. I quit all the time.”

Every quit—even after a slip—strengthens those neural pathways. Day 41 alcohol free and working on me.

February 11

I realize life will always have ups and downs, but I’ve come to a place where whatever happens, it will be okay.

I’ve heard a Kristin Neff meditation twice now on Reframe where she encourages us to talk to ourselves like this:

This is hard right now,

but everyone goes through hard things.

May I be happy and well and kind to myself.

February 19

Celebrating Day 50! Woot Woot! 👏🏻

February 26

When 2024 started, I planned on Dry January, which morphed into AF February. March is still a maybe. As for Day 57, I will not drink with you. 

The days add up. One at a time.

March 17

While a bit disappointed in my March non-drinking statistics, my reframed thought is…

I’m super excited to have 64 dry days in 2024. That. Is. progress.

April 5

2024 was off to the best start. 60 days AF until March 1. Then I struggled. Two vacations and a surgery in one month is atypical. Starting again. 67 days alcohol free today.

April 8

70 AF days out of 99 in 2024. That’s statistically better than any other year this century.

Progress.

One. Day. At. A. Time.

April 11

7 sober days in a row and more in April than all of March. 

Celebrating the milestones. Warrior-ing on.

*****

My Take-Aways

I had some recent blood work. In comparison to previous labs, the tests show marked improvement, so there’s that.

In my down time and 73 extra days of clarity, I’ve contemplated self-kindness and concluded that it’s a combination of nurturing my body, mind, and spirit.

I’ve contemplated what it means to nurture the body and concluded it’s about exercise, nutrition, and hydration.

I’ve contemplated what it means to nurture the mind and concluded that it’s about surrounding myself with what lifts me up—people and podcasts, reading and music, sunshine and the great outdoors. It’s about living in the moment without dwelling on the past or worrying about the future. It’s about letting go of judgments, thoughts, and emotions that do not serve me.

I’ve contemplated what it means to nurture the spirit and concluded that it’s about spending time with God, meditating in gratitude, and loving and forgiving myself and others.

I’m on a journey to inner peace, healing, and wellbeing, advancing confidently in the direction of my dreams.

Thank you for reading and sharing my experience. I send extra love.

Published by Crystal Byers

When I was young, my dad would always say, "Crystal, you can choose your attitude." One day I chose to believe him.

Published

66 thoughts on “Alcohol-Free Diary”

  1. Cheering you on.📣 No matter your reason, I can attest to the fact that living an alcohol-free life has many benefits, mental clarity (as in your goal) being one. I think this post is super helpful and applaud your openness. I am super proud of your successes. Don’t forget, you are already a success in God’s eyes!❤️🙏🏻

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Love your transparency, strength, and sources of inspiration. I moved on from drinking too much to eating too much sugar. You’ve made me think about working to change this latest habit. Thank you, Crystal.

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  5. I’m on Team Crystal with full faith in you, your goals, your candor, and your integrity. You and your compassionate relationship with your soul are inspiring. Hugs, Lisa 🙂

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    1. Your words bring me a smile, Lisa, and your hugs are heartfelt. Thank you! The self-compassion is a new thing for me, a journey of its own, and through it I’m finding more compassion for others. We’re all human, battling our own challenges. Hugs to you! ❤️

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  7. Thank you for sharing a very realistic journey of changing a habit that has been such a norm for you. I remember reading a book called The Power to change, one of the things it talks about is to not have the mentality that I usually do such and such and I am trying not to. It said it is more powerful to have the mentality that I just do not drink (I am not a drinker). And while trying to change a habit, to think of oneself as in ‘training’. while in training, of we have a few days off, it is just a part of being in training, it does not mean we failed. Cheering you on Crystal.

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    1. Two great thoughts: Name it and claim it. And give yourself breaks as needed “in training.” I love that.

      The second one is a good explanation of “progress over punishment.” Starting over at Day 1 would be a punishment. My experience is worth more than that.

      Your kind words and perspective mean more than you know, Manu. Thank you!

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Terrific accomplishments, Crystal. I basically retired from teaching, a job I still loved, to take care of myself. How crazy is it that I had to get to the point that I had to do that to take care of myself? Food was, and continues to be, my drug. It’s been more than five years and I feel so much better besides losing a lot of weight. When I fall off the wagon, and I still do from time to time, I get back up on the horse and start over. It’s empowering and makes me feel good about myself.

    As far as putting it out there publicly, we’re all wired differently, so no one should be telling you what to do since you know better than anyone what works best for you. I’m a huge believer in exercise too. You go, girl!

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    1. I understand, Pete. I loved teaching (and love food), too. But last year amid a health crisis and with 190 students, I had no energy left for me and decided that’s not the “life” I wanted.

      So here’s to life and health and starting over again and again. I appreciate your kindness here. Have a great day, Pete!

      Liked by 1 person

  12. Well done Crystal. You have shown what can be done with willpower and determination. While I have never done any AF months, I have always limited my consumption. Typically I have 1-2 drinks on weekends (why only weekends when you are retired many ask?). My brother in law told me that was not the way to drink and that I should come over one weekend and he would teach me. As he tends to drink 12-15 beer in one sitting, I politely declined. Happy Friday. Allan

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    1. Over the years my wine consumption had risen with hard liquor on occasion. I wasn’t near 12-15 per day. However, it’s a problem when you think there’s no problem and at the same time can’t control it. I’m learning alternative habits, and today is another good, dry day. Happy Friday to you, Allan!

      Liked by 1 person

  14. We never know who we are going to touch with our words and our example. I’m sure someone reading this post today or even in the future will be able to turn their own life around from some dependency. This post packs lots of words of wisdom born of experience. Congratulations, Crystal, on making a change that is so positive for you!

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  17. Thank you for sharing this, Crystal. I’m going through something right now that has me being very critical of myself. I’ve been struggling with shaking my negative view of me. I must remind myself not to get involved, no matter what the mind says. I like that one. 🙂

    I found myself wishing you had someone to talk to whenever an urge to drink snuck up on you. But it’s wonderful that you’re “talking it out” in your diary. My husband is sober 20 years this year, though there has been one beer .

    P.S. Your diary is much more coherent than mine. Mine is a spew of disconnected, eclectic thoughts that spit out emotions.

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    1. Hi Lori! Self-criticism is vicious and tends to be very sneaky. When we catch them, we have to let those thoughts know who’s boss.

      I actually do have an accountability group of women in my Reframe app. I’m not sure if I would’ve extended my Dry January into February and continued on without them.

      And my diary isn’t of the handwritten sort. They were digital entries in my phone, and even when I transferred them to this post, I polished them up a bit. We need those disconnected thoughts as a starting point to process what’s in our heads.

      Thanks for visiting, my friend!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m glad to hear you have the women at the Reframe app. When I went through difficult times in the past, I always had some type of support group. It really does help.

        Liked by 1 person

  18. My comment somehow cut off the rest of the last sentence in the second paragraph. It was supposed to say, “My husband is sober 20 years this year, though there has been one beer on a few separate occasions.”

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  19. We are truly kindred spirits, Crystal! Wished you lived here and we could go for walks for miles discussing this human experience. Self-compassion has been my latest focus and is a game changer for sure. You’re doing great my friend and have all my support❤️.

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    1. I know it, Dwight! Self-compassion is a game changer. We should teach this in school. And the human experience? Now that would be a long walk—or at least a chat to be continued. Take care, my friend, and thank you!

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  23. My dearest beautiful daughter in law~~~

    THANKS for the great read!!
    Everything is a choice…this is what I’m telling Thomas & Gianna every day!!
    It’s your life…you’ve only been given one, so be good to this life & MAKE THE RIGHT CHOICE !!
    And if you don’t know the RIGHT CHOICE, PRAY ABOUT IT AND GIVE IT TO GOD; HIS CHOICES ARE ALWAYS RIGHT!
    I Corinthians 6:19-20

    Mille Amorè ~~
    DanaNanaNinaMom

    Sent from my iPhone

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    1. It’s great advice. Do the next right thing, and if you don’t know, talk with God and trust that things are working together for good. Love you! ❤️

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  25. Hurrah, Crystal! You identified the answer back on January 9, “do-overs.”

    With them, you’ve given St. Croix and lime its most impressive run…ever. And counting.

    All this despite Life giving you every pretext to call off sobriety. Repeatedly. In its mission to sidetrack your resolve, Life has kept at it. In response, so have you.

    Leave it to a teacher to show us all how it’s done.

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      1. Adding to that total, Crystal! Your 2024 numbers will be unprecedented, By far, the trendiest year since you turned 21.

        (Because, like the rest of us, I’m sure you didn’t let a drop quench your lips until you were of legal age.)

        Life’s zigging and zagging wildly, yet you’re still onward (as you say) and upward (as New York says). Life keeps trying to shake you, but nothing doing.

        Excelsior, my friend!

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  26. “By perseverance the snail reached the ark”–Charles Spurgeon. You’re moving toward your goal at a MUCH faster pace than a snail, Crystal! WELL DONE!

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  28. A courageous post. I am an alcoholic in remission. I don’t place any faith in recovery, just a day by day process. Thanks for sharing. Keep going. Bryan

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