Do You Hear It?

“The earth has music for those who listen.”
Unknown

It wasn’t a typical Sunday when I set out for a walk through the Houston Botanic Garden. For one thing, this was my first visit—that, and I planned on dancing here. My Nia class would be celebrating Earth Day with an immersive, mindful-movement event in a tent: Nia in the Garden.

The day was 60 something degrees and overcast. I arrived early to explore. Slowly, the sun peeked through the clouds. I thanked God for the Vitamin D and my mobility, our beautiful planet and the healing powers of the garden.

When you take a flower in your hand and really look at it, it’s your world for the moment.
Georgia O’Keeffe

Before heading into the Cactus Garden, I spoke to a sculptor named Percy from Zimbabwe. One of 300 artists represented by the ZimSculpt exhibition, he smoothed opal stone with a file and showed me a chunk of the raw serpentine stone, nothing like the opal gemstone. A couple returned to purchase one of Percy’s pieces, his face lit up, and he turned his attention to his customers. I continued my stroll.

“If you have a garden and a library, you have everything you need.”
Marcus Tullius Cicero

Dancing Steelroots by Steve Tobin, Philadelphia

The Tree of Life by Gerardo Rosales, Venezuela

Lovebirds (in Opal Stone) by Lacknos Chingwaro, Zimbabwe

Seated Bather by Gregory Mutasa, Zimbabwe

I couldn’t imagine how it might feel to dance in a tent. This one was fancy with a wall of windows overlooking the garden. I checked my phone, 7600 steps, slipped it into a pocket inside my purse, and found a spot for my belongings. Now let the exercise begin. As the music started, all self-consciousness fell away, and we danced—a celebration of self, our connectivity, and our sacred earth.

Dominos and Art Cars

In my mind, a domino falls, and another, and another, until the effect creates something beautiful and heartfelt.

Domino #1

It was June of last year when I resigned from my job without any sort of plan. People are curious how I spend my time, and it’s a great question. Somehow, I never have a great answer. I suppose I could say, “I’m a housewife.” That doesn’t seem to need much explanation. In truth, housewifing is not my strength. However, I’m good at enjoying my downtime. Travel opportunities have manifested. I don’t have to drop much to go. I read and write and exercise. I’m keeping my mind right, staying connected with friends and family, and of course, watching my share of TV.

Domino #2

I can’t remember exactly when I caught a series on Netflix called Live to 100: Secrets of the Blue Zones. In four episodes, the documentary focuses on centenarians living and thriving in Okinawa, Japan and the mountain villages of Sardinia, people on the Greek island of Ikaria and Costa Rica’s Nicoya Peninsula, and a pocket of Seventh-Day Adventists in a Californian suburb. Common elements and healthy habits contribute to longevity, including plant-based diets, natural movement (like walking and gardening), serene lifestyles, faith and hope, strong family bonds, like-minded communities, and a sense of purpose.

The Loma Linda episode made me think, specifically about volunteering. The show’s host says,

“People who volunteer have better memories, better social connections. They even report higher levels of happiness. If you think, it always involves some physical activity, involves some sense of meaning because you’re focusing on someone else other than just yourself.”

Domino #3

On February 8, my friend Georgia posted a volunteer opportunity on Facebook:

I typed, “I’m looking into it!”

Georgia responded, “It’s so fun. I think you’ll love it. Sign up to be my assistant.”

And that’s how I became Assistant to the Volunteer Coordinator of the 37^th Annual Houston Art Car Parade.

Domino #4

On the crisp April morning of the parade, I donned my bright orange volunteer t-shirt and drove nine miles from my house to a high school parking lot just west of downtown. I parked and then walked to the parade route on Allen Parkway in search of the volunteer tent and my friend Georgia.

The Katz Coffee van delivered coffee just after 8 AM, around the time I arrived along with another volunteer named Hal. Georgia gave us the breeziest jobs at the pre-parade. We would drive golf carts and shuttle other volunteers to their locations, so Hal and I hitched a ride with the coffee guy to City Hall, close to the golf cart pick up location. For all I know the coffee guy could’ve owned Katz Coffee. Everything happened so fast.

That’s how I came to drive a golf cart down Allen Parkway, wind in my face, as the sun rose over the skyscrapers at my back. The art cars were beginning to line up, and I snapped photo upon photo. Art was everywhere, alive and thriving. The energy was tangible.

By the time I returned to the volunteer tent, more volunteers were showing up, and my official job began. I shuttled the mother of a former student and caught up on his life. I shuttled my friend who substituted for me last year when I took some time off for my radiation treatments. I shuttled some high school kids who were volunteering because their moms said so. And then Georgia and Hal’s son showed up. He happens to be one of my favorite former students, and he said, “Good morning!” and gave me a big hug. The energy was heartfelt.

Brock Wagner, Founder/Brewer of Saint Arnold’s Brewery and the 2024 Houston Art Car Parade Grand Marshal.

Artists gather in Houston from around the nation, no other explanation.

Snapped pre-parade, later the mayor’s ride.

A water buffalo and an abundance of bling.

HEB grocery stores. A reason of its own to visit Texas.

A favorite from last year. Every first period he said, “Good Morning!” and asked, “How are you?” and told me, “Have a great day!”

Daily writing prompt

Describe a decision you made in the past that helped you learn or grow.

View all responses

The city of Houston has provided me so many opportunities for adventure. The decisions have been up to me. It’s where I made the decision to blog and to pursue my MFA, where I decided to dance again and to take care of myself. You learn and grow either way, despite the outcomes, but you never know until that first domino falls.

Alcohol-Free Diary

Since the beginning of 2024, I’ve been cheering myself along, jotting down thoughts in connection to my relationship with alcohol. It all started with Dry January. Some may think that sharing my personal diary is a bad idea, but sharing my truth takes courage, and vulnerability connects us, so I have no shame. We’re all human. I started the year strong, slipped into a slump, and began again. Perhaps you’ll find something here that helps you with a journey of your own.

January 1

I almost justified drinking today because it’s a holiday, but the thoughts were fleeting. Day 1 down.

January 6

I’m 54. Outside of two pregnancies, this is my fourth alcohol free month (non-consecutive) since age 18. I started Reframe (an app to help me decrease alcohol consumption) in November on the cutback plan, without success. I gave up through the holidays and planned for Dry January. This is the first time I haven’t had cravings. I’ve been praying for myself (another breakthrough for me), and it works.

January 7

About 4 months ago, I started a dance class that includes some yoga, martial arts, mindfulness, and joy. I always leave feeling strong and centered. There are only three classes per week, one on Sunday, so I was headed there this morning. But—I had a flat tire before leaving my neighborhood. Muah. Muah. ☹️

I returned home disappointed and opted for online church. It was a message on changing your life by changing your habits. (Click HERE to view.)

No matter what you believe, there is good common sense in this message. And I’ve had some divine help over the past 7 days. Peace and hope for the journey.

January 9

9 Days. My longest AF (Alcohol Free) streak since April 2020. I began mental preparation for January back in November when I gave up tracking my drinks. I started 2024 believing in the following:

the power of intention
do-overs
progress over perfection
kindness and compassion for self and others
one day at a time
asking God for help with all of the above

January 11

In August 2022, I was diagnosed with Stage 1 breast cancer found through a routine mammogram. I was lucky we found it early, and it’s gone now (or so I thought on January 11).

Anyway, that’s when I became aware of the CDC’s (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention) guidelines for alcohol. One drink or less in a day for women. Two for men. “Ridiculous,” I thought.

After unsuccessfully trying to cut back, I said to myself, “Crystal, you are the ridiculous one. You only have one body. Why not treat it with tender-loving care?” It took me 54 years to realize none is easier than one (at least for me), and I became sober curious. I found myself asking God for help. And lo and behold, I feel the divine help. I’m not ready to resolve that I will never have another drink, but I intend to keep praying for myself. So far. So good. I believe in one day at a time.

January 12

I heard on the radio this morning that the end of the second week in January is called Quitter Day. Statistically more people give up their goals today. If you remain alcohol free (or persist with any goal), you are officially among the elite.

January 13

Checked into a hotel for a Girls Weekend with friends. I was offered complimentary champagne or water, and I chose water.

January 15

“The power of intention is so doubt-deficient that when you’re connected to it you see what you’d like to have as already being present.”
Dr. Wayne Dyer

January 17

This past weekend, my lifelong friend Pamela was visiting from out of town. We attended Lakewood Church on Sunday.

Joel Osteen said, “Write your vision. Back it up with scripture.”

So here it goes:

I live a sober life that brings me clarity, health, peace, hope, joy, and love.

“‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’”
Jeremiah 29:11

Bring it, Day 17.

January 19

Weirdly I haven’t had many cravings. But—it’s Friday, so close to 5, and my husband has a drink in hand. 😳 I grabbed a LaCroix and squeezed a lime. It’s quite refreshing. 0 calories. 0 alcohol.

January 21

This morning I’m thankful for reframed perspectives, 3-weeks AF, and for the first time ever, this budding idea of a permanent change to my relationship with alcohol.

January 24

I attended a meeting on the app today and heard this:

“Progress over punishment.”

January 26

“Today is a gift and miracles are manifesting.” (Click HERE for more affirmations.)

January 29

This morning I’m reading The Untethered Soul (spiritual nonfiction) by Michael A. Singer. He says the mind is “very melodramatic (😂) … Just decide that no matter what the mind says, you aren’t getting involved.”

January 30

I always gain weight through the holidays. I. Just. Do.

But—so many of those calories are from drinking. I’m officially down 8 pounds and ready for Day 31. Then Day 32.

February 3

My dance class moved to a new bigger studio in January with many spaces and options. I bought a pass for unlimited classes in February. Today’s attempt: aerial conditioning.

It. Was. Hard.

The students and teacher were all 20-30 years younger than me. But I hung in there. Pun intended.

February 8

“The genius thing we did was, we didn’t give up.”
Jay Z

February 9

Do you know what the best exercise is?

Wait for it…

The one you will do.

This morning on my way home from my 8th dance class in 8 days, I was thinking back to 2019 when I was going to Boxing and Kickboxing classes. Kody wanted us to do this “together.” Guess who went most often. 🙋‍♀️ I shaped up but not joyfully. Wrapping my fists and wearing gloves was not my journey, and I’m thankful to find my own path. 40 days sober.

February 10

My dad says this about cigarettes, but it applies here:

“I was really good at quitting. I quit all the time.”

Every quit—even after a slip—strengthens those neural pathways. Day 41 alcohol free and working on me.

February 11

I realize life will always have ups and downs, but I’ve come to a place where whatever happens, it will be okay.

I’ve heard a Kristin Neff meditation twice now on Reframe where she encourages us to talk to ourselves like this:

This is hard right now,

but everyone goes through hard things.

May I be happy and well and kind to myself.

February 19

Celebrating Day 50! Woot Woot! 👏🏻

February 26

When 2024 started, I planned on Dry January, which morphed into AF February. March is still a maybe. As for Day 57, I will not drink with you.

The days add up. One at a time.

March 17

While a bit disappointed in my March non-drinking statistics, my reframed thought is…

I’m super excited to have 64 dry days in 2024. That. Is. progress.

April 5

2024 was off to the best start. 60 days AF until March 1. Then I struggled. Two vacations and a surgery in one month is atypical. Starting again. 67 days alcohol free today.

April 8

70 AF days out of 99 in 2024. That’s statistically better than any other year this century.

Progress.

One. Day. At. A. Time.

April 11

7 sober days in a row and more in April than all of March.

Celebrating the milestones. Warrior-ing on.

*****

My Take-Aways

I had some recent blood work. In comparison to previous labs, the tests show marked improvement, so there’s that.

In my down time and 73 extra days of clarity, I’ve contemplated self-kindness and concluded that it’s a combination of nurturing my body, mind, and spirit.

I’ve contemplated what it means to nurture the body and concluded it’s about exercise, nutrition, and hydration.

I’ve contemplated what it means to nurture the mind and concluded that it’s about surrounding myself with what lifts me up—people and podcasts, reading and music, sunshine and the great outdoors. It’s about living in the moment without dwelling on the past or worrying about the future. It’s about letting go of judgments, thoughts, and emotions that do not serve me.

I’ve contemplated what it means to nurture the spirit and concluded that it’s about spending time with God, meditating in gratitude, and loving and forgiving myself and others.

I’m on a journey to inner peace, healing, and wellbeing, advancing confidently in the direction of my dreams.

Thank you for reading and sharing my experience. I send extra love.

Celebration at Sea

My Dad is 84 and still seizing the day. He is an attorney and still working full time as he has for the past 60 years. A last minute celebration of the milestone manifested.

Dad called me the week of March 15 and said, “I’m cruising out of Galveston on March 24, and Liz is going.” Liz is my sister. She works for my dad. “Do you want to come along?”

Well, duh. My only hesitation was over a little surgery I would be having the week before embarkation. Surely a week of healing at home would be enough.

Kody was tied down at work, my brother-in-law, too, so Liz and I would share a room and some good sister-time. Our ship would be a healing sanctuary at sail across the Caribbean for me.

Liz, Dad, and I pulling into Cozumel, Mexico

Jets landing just past Maho Beach, Sint Maarten

Communion for Easter service on the boat

Not a bad bedroom view

And like that, the sun rose over Fort Lauderdale, Florida. From the ship to the airport to home.

Dad told lots of great stories. Once a firecracker always a firecracker, but those are his stories to tell. My big sister logged it all by audio. And as often happens here, I feel grateful—for family, health, time, and an awe-inspiring world.

Warrior Woman

I was scared
for a moment
to remove the bandage
and the gauze
and face the scar.

In the hesitation,
a bold voice said, 
“Why, Warrior Woman? 
You are a survivor.
Scars show strength,
how you fight and heal,
overcome and thrive.
Fear is human.
So is pain.
This too shall pass.
May you be happy 
and well and free 
of suffering.”

Daily writing prompt

Who was your most influential teacher? Why?

View all responses

Life is the consummate teacher, and God keeps showing up with strength, peace, and hope for the lessons. May you be happy and well and free of suffering.

This Too Shall…

Look up. See the sunbeam?

The depths
of the ocean
stir the depths
of my thoughts.

The waves
come and go
like the sun
and moon,
the inhale
and exhale

and now.

Let It Go

I don’t care to tell people I’m reading Self Help. The term carries a stigma as if I’m sitting here, crying, “Help me!” I’m not. Not that I never have. 54-year-old Crystal has learned to be so much kinder to herself than many of her earlier selves—maybe because of these recent books. If I had read any of them, let’s say ten years ago while experiencing a schizophrenia-low with my son, or back in 2017 when a hurricane flooded me, my family, and lots of things out of our home and we lived in a hotel ten months while rebuilding, or in 2020 when my mother died followed by my dog, or even last year when I experienced a cancer low, the timing might not have connected to an open mind. In my personal experience, if I believe something will work, it will. If I say, “There’s no way,” then I’m also right. This is why words have power—especially the words we reserve for ourselves. So—I would say these books fall into the genre of Self Kindness.

In November, I read The Emotion Code.

An entire post @ this link.
A one-sentence synopsis: If you hold onto negative emotions, they will become trapped in your body and make you sick, so let them go.
My take-away: With God’s help, I started letting go of the emotions that do not serve me, and voila! Life looks brighter.

In December and January, I read Atlas of the Heart.

Another post @ the link.
Another synopsis: Brené Brown and her team of researchers explore eighty-seven emotions and experiences that define what it means to be human.
My take-away: We’re all human. That means we all make mistakes. That means we must forgive both ourselves and others. So (see The Emotion Code synopsis)—LET IT GO. The research explains our emotions in detail, so we can better understand exactly what to release. A must read.

In January and February, I read The Untethered Soul.

I didn’t write a post.
Synopsis: LET IT GO, and your soul will be free.
My take-away: The more we judge others as well as situations, the more we judge ourselves. Life will have challenges. Release judgement of the challenges and challenging people and self. Pain and suffering are just things. Temporary things. Perhaps God will help if we ask. In my experience, He does.

There were times when reading a couple of these books that I became a little annoyed at the repetitive nature. I could’ve thought, “This is stupid,” and reshelved the book or left it on the porch for Goodwill. Instead, I kept an open mind, persevered to the end, found pieces worth appreciating, and started the next book on the list.

Now I’m reading The Four Agreements. It’s subtitled A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom and A Toltec Wisdom Book. Another must-read in my humble opinion.

The 1^st Agreement: Be Impeccable with Your Word

“We must understand what power comes out of our mouths…Your opinion comes from your beliefs, your own ego…When you are impeccable (literal translation “without sin”), you take responsibility for your actions, but you do not judge or blame yourself [or others]…If I love myself I will express that love in my interactions with you, and then I am being impeccable with the word, because that action will produce a like reaction.”
Don Miguel Ruiz

The agreements that follow are all based on the first one, and I’m seeing more LET IT GO:

The 2^nd Agreement: Don’t Take Anything Personally
The 3^rd Agreement: Don’t Make Assumptions
The 4^th Agreement: Always Do Your Best

I’ve noticed that the more I surround myself with good thoughts and energy, uplifting words and people, the more vibrant and healthy and at peace I feel. Of course, there’s always that tiny voice in my head that says, “Let’s see how you’ll handle the next (fill-in-the-blank).” Cue the evil laughter. I’m learning to let that go.

Well, recently I had a biopsy to confirm my clean bill of health. One week later, I received a call that included the words “cancer” and “surgery.” I wrote everything down. On Friday, March 15, I will have a little lumpectomy to scoop out those cells. I’ve known for over a year this would be a possibility, and I feel as if I’ve been training for this moment. I still feel vibrant and healthy and at peace. And to maintain the good, I’m talking with God, letting go of certain emotions, and turning off today’s comments. These are the last things I’ve learned.

Daily writing prompt

What is the last thing you learned?

View all responses

All You Can Do

I gave birth at age 19. I thought I had grown up. My son, my baby, was the love of my life. I would have done anything for him.

When he turned 19, suddenly I realized something was wrong. Maybe I knew before then, but for so many years, he was smart and kind, good to animals and good looking, loving to his sister and a cellist. Then, suddenly, he believed things that weren’t true. I was a witch, so was my mother. Cocaine was streaming through the air ducts of his bedroom. God bless him.

It was a journey…that discovery of schizophrenia. He had just turned 20. I cried many tears before learning the truth. And since then, since 2010, I’ve learned more. His reality is different than mine, and he doesn’t see a reason for help. You can’t help a person who can’t or won’t help themselves. All you can do is help your own self.

What experiences in life helped you grow the most?
—daily prompt

Happy Birthday, Mama!

This morning Facebook notified me of my mother’s birthday. I know, Facebook. I know.

She would’ve been 84.

“I’ve got to go. I’m staying with friends,” she once said on a visit in my dreams. Her eyes twinkled, and her smile lit up the room. She was healthy, vibrant, and FULL of life. That was about three years ago not long after she left us.

“I love that, Mama. I bet you have lots of friends up there,” I said.

And then, the paradox—she lives, right in my heart.

My Mama’s Voice

Be Someone II

There’s an iconic sign on a railroad overpass just north of downtown Houston. It says…

*Courtesy of* https://www.besomeoneco.com/store/

I often think about what that means.

There’s an iconic Xeroxed copy of my 10-year-old face tucked away in a long-forgotten cardboard box. Lucky for 54-year-old me, I have the digital image. I often think about that little girl. Clearly, she has always wished for me to be unapologetically me…

That little girl inside me long ago learned the power of visualization. Inside our head, we saw the roundoff back handsprings and the back flips before we made it happen. That little girl is alive and well. She reminds me of the magic of vision and dreams. She wishes me a life lived to the fullest and says, “Let go of the past and step into who we’re becoming—wiser and kinder and stronger.” She nudges me to forgive those who hurt me and wish them well. She roots for me to be an example of what is possible and cherish every moment.

Perhaps being someone is about embracing, trusting, and standing up for our authentic self, speaking our truth, aging gracefully, walking our unique path, sharing our gifts, taking care of our needs—body, mind, and spirit—believing and dreaming, learning and growing, carrying an abundance of love, seeking the good in others, understanding that humans have faults. These are the things I’m learning at age 54 and somehow the things I’ve always known.