You are a Bada**

Action, Growth, Inspiration, Perseverance, Persistence, Progress, school 4 Minutes

Last Thursday after my first period class, a kid I’ll call J stayed behind and handed me a new yellow paperback.

He hesitated and said, “I’m sorry that I missed your tutorial yesterday. I know you’re here to help us and that people take advantage of you….”

Oof! Gut punch. Kids say the darnedest things.

The day before I had hosted a lunchtime tutorial, pizza provided by the school, for students who haven’t taken the SAT (Scholastic Aptitude Test) and need to pass another government-mandated standardized test (TSI—the Texas Success Initiative) created by College Board (the entity that makes beaucoups of cash by selling both tests plus Advanced Placement). These kids have taken the test before and failed and must retest. The test deems the students college-ready, and if our school has a certain percentage of students who don’t pass this test, then we look bad. We lose some prestige. Therefore, the intervening tutorial. We discussed grammar and multiple-choice test-taking tips. Some of the kids were one question away from passing on their last attempt. Meanwhile, J, who had a lead in our all-school musical Mamma Mia last semester was giving me a book about how to stop doubting my greatness and start living an awesome life. Somehow, I know he is college ready, and I don’t need test results to tell me. If he doesn’t go to college, who the F cares? J is already living an awesome life and sharing his secret with me.

“…but I think you’re amazing,” he said, “and I hope you’ll read this book.”

I may or may not have had tears in my eyes when I gave him a speechless fist bump. I was touched by the gift. “I will absolutely read this book,” I said. Students filed through the door for my next class, J left, and I composed myself.

Yesterday, I left work at lunch. This morning, I stayed home. The struggle is real. I was supposed to tutor during my lunch again today—and I just can’t. The test is March 22. There is time to postpone. I picked up the book from J and read. Chapter 4 resonated.

“In the self-help/spiritual community, ‘Ego’ is used to refer to the shadow self, or the false self, or the self that’s acting like a weenie. It’s the part of us that’s driving the bus when we do things like sabotage our happiness by cheating on our husbands or wives because deep down we don’t feel worthy of being loved, or that refuses to follow our hearts and pursue an acting career because we are terrified to be seen for who we really are, or that goes on and on and on and on about how great we are and shows off our muscles because we’re insecure and need lots of outside validation that we’re good enough.”

Jen Sincero

Ego—the self that’s acting like a weenie. That’s funny. How many of us are driven by our insecurities and the need for validation that we’re good enough…smart enough…sexy enough…rich enough…skinny enough…badass enough…just simply enough? Yeah, that’s what I thought.

“The leading cause of sucking (staying broke, dating morons, uncontrollably crying in public because we hate our lives) is that we haven’t yet woken up to how truly powerful we are or to how massively abundant our Universe is.”

Jen Sincero

Speaking of the Universe, I’ve heard the part about its massive abundance before. Seeing these words again seems like a message tailored for me.

“The [ego] operates according to your limiting false beliefs. This is the garbage that was stuffed into your subconscious as a kid that doesn’t ring true for you, as well as the decisions you’ve made about yourself that are less-than flattering or empowering. It gets validation from outside sources (I’m doing this to win your love, your opinion of me is more important than my opinion of me), it’s reactive (My circumstances control my life, I am a victim), fear-based, and extremely committed to keeping you safely confined within the reality you’ve created based on those false limiting beliefs (otherwise known as your comfort zone). The [ego] lives in the past and in the future and believes you are separate from everything around you.

Your true self or your higher self or your superhero self (your non-BS self)…is the part of you that operates according to your connection to Source Energy. It gets validation from within (I love and trust myself, this feels right to me, I have a purpose, I am loved), it’s proactive (I’m in control of my life, I think I’ll head on out and kick me some ass), love based, and is committed to creating a reality based on your limitless potential…Your true self lives in the present (not stuck in your head), totally believes in miracles and is one with the Universe.

Jen Sincero

The false self (based on your subconscious and limiting false beliefs) vs. the true self (connected to a higher power AKA Source Energy). The true self validates from within, takes action, seeks limitless potential, stays out of head, believes in miracles, and loves their fellow human. Suddenly, I find myself thinking of 1 Corinthians 4-8. What a lovely truth!

Published by Crystal Byers

When I was young, my dad would always say, "Crystal, you can choose your attitude." One day I chose to believe him.

Published

57 thoughts on “You are a Bada**”

  2. It does not surprise me that J gave you that book. You are everything it says you are, Crystal. You may have forgotten or you may have never known through self doubt. Not to mention your Cancer diagnosis. I always wanted to be like you and the other teachers slightly older than me that were master teachers. People like you, Katrina Slaughter and Karen Stanton. I hope I achieved that before I was forced to retire.
    By the way, my surgerical procedure was done. Although I will not know for sure until the biopsy comes back the doctor said everything looked good to him. He is a cancer gynecologist.

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    1. Right? My English IV students are wrapping up research papers. I can’t remember his exact topic. Papers are due tomorrow. His is something along the lines of manifestation vs. self limiting beliefs. And kids have presentations next, so I’m excited for him to share. This idea of source energy is another concept that keeps popping up in my life. People may see that on extra levels. For me, let go and let God!

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  4. Crystal, you are a badass! What a wonderful, inspiring, and painfully honest book! Damn! That is the kind of book you leave on your nightstand and reread every week. A great reminder that we are usually the one who stands with our insecurities instead of our greatness! I’m going to have to get that book so you and I will be on the same page so to speak! Thanks Crystal, much love coming your way, C

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    1. I love you, Cheryl. And when I’m not reading, that book is stacked with yours on my nightstand. A chapter from Cheryl…one from Jen…one from Stephen King. You are in outstanding company. ❤️

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    1. Ironically, I don’t think I’m doubting myself. Still, I know we all do at times. The cancer has wreaked havoc on my body, which has complicated my reactions to everything, but I’m making my comeback.

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  6. J appears to be a very perceptive individual. I wish him success in the upcoming test. On the other hand, J fails to see how bada** you already are in putting your students’ needs before your own. May your health improve with each passing day ❤

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    1. I remember taking advantage of kind teachers, which might be why I teach. I was barely on time to geometry most days when I was a sophomore, and then I would ask to go to the bathroom. My teacher Mrs. Lee would take my books at her door and set them on my desk. She’s my model for extending grace to kids. Health here improving slower than I hoped. Improving anyway. ❤️ Thank you, Rosaliene!

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  7. What an awesome student J is to offer an apology and give you this great book. I think it’s safe to say you’re doing something right in your classroom based on this. And I knotw this is a great book because I read it a few years back and find myself coming back to review what I highlighted in the first read. One thing that really stuck with me from this book is “taking the next right step”

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    1. I’m not quite there, but I love that message. Uncertainty is a fact of life. The next step is the best we can do. Today’s step—take a day off. Tomorrow’s step—go kick ass.

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  8. Hear, hear! I love this post. First that a student gave you this book; that is cool. And secondly the topic of ego has been on my mind lately. I’m pleased to read this line: “The [ego] operates according to your limiting false beliefs.” That’s what I need to remember, maybe knew at one time, but have forgotten. Thanks for sharing this.

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    1. Very interesting, Ally. The topic of the subconscious has been on my mind, “the garbage stuffed into the subconscious as a kid” that sticks, AKA limiting false beliefs. You’re right. We often know these things, but the reminders are nice.

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  9. Wowee, wow, wow! Isn’t it awesome how the Universe brings things we need to us right when we need them? Yours is the second blog I just read that talks about how to empower oneself – about loving oneself. And it’s something I’ve been needing to hear. I find myself at an old age that crept up on me, and I’m suddenly trying to find myself all over again. Who am I at this age? After all, my new novel is about spirituality and connecting with higher self.
    That’s some awesome kid who shared that book with you. And thank you for sharing pieces with us.

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    1. Your question is universal, Lori. Who am I? I’ve thought about it a lot and come to the conclusion that I’m a conglomeration of all my former selves—just trying to be a little better than the person I was yesterday. We write what resonates with us. Some days we love and empower ourselves better than others. Then another day rolls around for a redo. ❤️

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      1. Ha, yes, I’m on a redo lately. Stay tuned, I have a blog post up my sleeve on this topic and will likely mention you when it posts. 😉

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  10. Affirmation, Crystal, confirming what we know already and you do too, that, as the book says, you are a Bada.

    Your life, your generosity and your caring proclaim it. Here’s your triumph.

    J recognizing it makes you beam. So overwhelming is your goodness it exceeded J’s adolescent uncertainty. It already has changed his life (and so many others’) for the better. How can it not do the same for you?

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    1. Your affirmation received, felt, and loved, Keith. Thank you for celebrating my triumphs, especially in this season, and I don’t mean winter. Spring is around the corner. ✨💖✨

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  11. What a insightful young person. J sounds like a old soul. They were hard on you Crystal. Eat, Pray, let love heal. You will get better. It will take time. ❤️

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    1. Dear Patti, I’ll share another story with you about J one day. As for students, most are lovely. Of course, there are those who take advantage of my absences. They are the least of my concern right now.

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  16. Pingback: I Am . . . – Lori's Lane

  18. The whole post is outstanding, Crystal, but I got stuck on the part about testing. Why is the school providing pizza, I wondered. You answered my question–because the kids’ scores affect the perception of the school. Why are we testing our kids to death? Again, the answer is right there: because of the greed of the testing companies and associated organizations. How is it that teachers are so incompetent that they can’t see what students need and what their achievement levels are? Don’t they work with them every day? Once more, you have the answer: “Somehow, I know he is college ready, and I don’t need test results to tell me.” Perfect! Even in the middle of fighting personal battles, you are a great teacher and the kids recognize that.

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    1. Thank you, Linda. So much bureaucracy I could puke…or quit…or write a blog post. I appreciate the time it took for you to respond with your takeaways. That’s exactly what I meant.

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  20. Hey there Crystal, The young man gave you much more than a book. And your telling of the story gave us all a gift. The world is in much better shape than the news would have us believe. This is because of great teachers like you and the students blessed to be in your circle. Have a wonderful day. Jerry

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  21. What a kind and thoughtful student, Crystal. You just know he will do great things in life. Being a teacher can be a thankless task but those precious moments with a special child make it all worth while. Be kind to yourself, Crystal, you deserve it.

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    1. He gave a presentation this past week based on his research, and the other kids wanted to know when he would be doing his TED Talk. You’re right. I’m hard on myself, but it’s Spring Break now, Kerry. I’m surrounded by love and kindness. ❤️

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  22. Excellent. It’s for reasons like these that I SOMETIMES miss teaching high school students. There’s so much opportunity to develop real teacher-student relationships; you get to know them; they get to know you; they give you a book to improve your self-esteem. It’s a beautiful dance.

    Thanks for sharing this, Crystal, and I hope you’re doing well.

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  23. Thank you for sharing a part of your story!.. obviously, your are a role model (and well deserved) to many not only as a teacher but as a person!.. you will have left a part of you in every life you have touched…“The life I touch for good or ill will touch another life, and that in turn another, until who knows where the trembling stops or in what far place my touch will be felt.” ( Frederick Buechner ).. well done!!… 🙂

    Hope your life’s path is paved with happiness and love and until we meet again..
    May your spirit only know peace
    May your heart only know love
    May all your dreams come true
    May your life’s journey be filled with happiness
    And life is all that you wish for it to be….
    (Larry “Dutch” Woller)

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    1. Thank you, Richard. I taught my last class today. Semester finals are tomorrow. Graduation along with other senior activities next week. Hopefully I’ll feel like writing more soon.

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