I’ll Be Okay

Not long ago, my routine mammogram came back suspicious. I examined myself repeatedly and found nothing out of the ordinary. But there was a certain sensitivity I somehow hadn’t noticed. Was it in my head? I distracted myself with a mantra: I am fearless and therefore powerful.  

Two weeks later, I endured a repeat procedure, a more thorough and painful flattening of my left boob, followed by an ultrasound, performed by a technician, and again by a doctor. The doctor told me to come back for a biopsy the following day. He scrunched his mouth to the side and locked eyes with me. He said, “I’m sorry. We caught this early. It’s tiny.”  

He didn’t say cancer. I reasoned with myself. I’ll be okayI’ll be okay…I’ll be okay…

At home, I told my husband about the biopsy and failed to mention the rest.

Kody drove me to my appointment the next day and waited. In a back room, they took the tissue they needed with a needle and inserted a tiny titanium post to mark the spot of the tiny tumor.

On the way home, I said, “It’s cancer.” There was silence in the pause. “I mean, I don’t want this to be a self-fulfilling prophecy, but I know.” All of this happened on a Thursday.

Friday. Saturday. Sunday. Monday. Tuesday. I waited for the official word.

On Tuesday, the second day of school, I received a call that went to voicemail. A call from a voice who requested a return call.  

I knew.

It’s cancer, confirmed, tiny, and we caught it early.

At my first appointment for repeat testing and a second opinion, I met a woman, three years cancer-free. Similar diagnosis and situation caught early. She had flown to Houston from South Carolina for a follow-up. I have a quick drive across town.

And I have treatment options. Not all include surgery. One of my doctors, I can’t remember which one, said, “If you had to pick a cancer, this is the one.”

So, I feel lucky.

I’m waiting for my next appointment and thinking good thoughts.

I’m thankful every day is a new day, and I’ll be okay.

149 thoughts on “I’ll Be Okay

  1. “It’s cancer,” two words no one wants to hear-ever. Yet you are facing the big “IT” with poise and positive thinking, Crystal.

    Here’s a thought: “What encouraging words of wisdom would your mom share with you at a time like this?”

    🙏for the days ahead.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I am so glad you caught it early. I am going through something similar but am waiting for them to do a biopsy. Stay on top of this. I am so sorry.

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  3. Sending prayers your way my friend. 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼 I admire your attitude and thank God for your intuition and perception. You are so right. FIGHT. You are going to be better than okay! Remain positive as you are because that sometimes can be just the antidote, along with faith, you will need to overcome this. Keeping you in my thoughts Crystal! 🥰💖😘

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Sending warm wishes to you. Been there, done that.
    Mine was the size of a walnut when they found it, and had spread to two lymph nodes, but I had surgery –had to be a mastectomy at that point–followed by chemo. And here I still am, 42 years later. No recurrence. Cancer isn’t the death sentence people imagine it to be, if treated early.

    Liked by 3 people

  5. So glad they caught it early! The same thing happened with my mom. Even though she’s been cancer free for 10 years now, the one thing she said she wished she would’ve done was join a support group because she felt so alone. My prayers are with you!!

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  6. Keeping you in prayer Crystal. Thankful it was caught early but not something anyone wants to hear they have got. May the Lord heal and provide for you in every way you need.

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    1. Medical technology and advances are amazing. To think 100 years ago, I would’ve never known, and 40 years ago, probably even 2-3, surgery would’ve been mandatory. I really do feel lucky and thankful. Thank you, Priscilla.

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  7. I’ve heard it said “Cancer is a word and not a sentence. And once upon a time I read abook called “Your body believes every word you say” So be kind to yourself – stay positive. Peace and love. Jerry

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  8. Your attitude is spot on! I’m ancient and had one of the first positive smear tests way back yonder…NHS were super-speedy & I had an operation within a week of the knowing. No-one even uttered the big C then. That was in 1968 and I was 90 in May! So stay positive. Wishing you a speedy recovery. You’ll make it! xx

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    1. Wow! Joy, just wow! How lonely to keep stories to ourselves! Thank you for sharing your journey and hope. I saw some photos of myself yesterday at age 12, which seemed a lifetime ago. To think about an entire lifetime ahead. 💕

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  9. Psalms 107:2 He sent HIS WORD which heals us and delivered us from all our destructions! In the times when I need GOD to perform a MIRACLE, I pray for others who I know are in the same situation. I know it sounds weird, but trust and believe it works!

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      1. God bless you and your family, as I pray your strength in the LORD. 2 Corinthians 12:8-10
        8 Concerning this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me. 9 And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

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    1. My family doctor said, “I know a great oncologist, but you’re driving this bus where do you want to go?” I said, “MD Anderson,” and in days I was there. I’m not sure I would’ve thought to request that if I lived anywhere else. Thank you, Kerry. I’m in the best hands.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Jo, I always thought I was the healthy one and honestly laughed when I got the news, not that I haven’t cried. I’m coming to terms with it now, I think. I appreciate you for the extra prayers! ❤️

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  10. Praise God it was caught early Crystal! You WILL be okay.
    As someone who has been there (unfortunately mine wasn’t tiny) those 3 words are indeed horrible to hear and are what prompted my blogging journey in 2021 as a way to speak encouragement to myself as much as to others! You will be in my prayers. 🙏💕

    Liked by 1 person

  11. As you are well aware, words are so powerful as is prayer and faith. Im so thankful it was caught early and that you live in Houston. Prayers lifted for you my sweet friend! Xoxo

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    1. Julie, I’m sort of getting used to the things I would never in a million years expect. I keep thinking of Maya Angelou’s mom, “Hoping for the best, prepared for the worst, and unsurprised by anything in between.” I’ve definitely been through worse. Thank you for praying! ❤️

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  12. I have almost the same exact story. I hadn’t had a mammogram in 12 yrs but like you my body said something it’s right. It was very small and very early! I had 5 rounds of radiation, no side effects and 1yr 6 months cancer free! I feel we were more than lucky we are aware and in tune with our body and our higher selves perhaps. All the best to you, I am Positive that all is well!! ❤️

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  13. Thank you for sharing!!.. you are healthy and you found it early and that is the key, plus a positive attitude so I expect good things for you.. my late wife were diagnosed with lung cancer but unfortunately it was not early (Stage 4) and a aggressive kind but with today’s technology still manage a few years and I were around those that did find it early and are still here… and they are finding ways to deal with cancer… 🙂
    In fact, I am helping some by allowing certain research organizations use my computer from time to time; Active member; (since 2005 to present) BOINC Project (University of Berkeley, Calif.); Princess Margaret Cancer Center/World Community Grid (Mapping Cancer, Children’s Cancer), Scripps Institute (Cancer, Covid-19) so you and your family are not going this alone…. 🙂

    Until we meet again….
    May love and laughter light your days,
    and warm your heart and home.
    May good and faithful friends be yours,
    wherever you may roam.
    May peace and plenty bless your world
    with joy that long endures.
    May all life’s passing seasons
    bring the best to you and yours!
    (Irish Saying)

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  14. All the best to you, Crystal – thoughts, prayers, wishes, vibes – all of it.

    They’ll help, but you already have the strongest ally, your positivity. That makes a real difference, and in far more ways than in just the emotional sense. Your hope and your sunshine give your physical plant the tools it needs to move past this.

    Other plusses you and others have noticed – your family, you’re young and healthy, though the C is far younger, the team helping you overcome it draws on centuries of collective knowledge and it has access to the top resources available.

    Best of all, as mentioned, is your attitude. It inspires us, and it will inspire your body similarly to do a little housecleaning.

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  15. Big prayers coming your way, all the way from Arizona. May God bless you even more and get you through this as fast as possible. It is scary, but always remember that you are never alone, God is right there with you always, as I know you already know.

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  16. I am so grateful for the technological state of the medical industry, cancer is still a frightening word, but I have a belief that things are exactly the way they need to be. Thank you for this sharing.

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  17. I hate to barrage you with all the cliches responses: I am so sorry to hear, I’m so glad this was caught early, you are so strong Crystal! And not because it’s not ALL true because it is so true, and not because I find these ‘words of comfort’ ingenuine… I just want you to know that I can feel the weight of this news for you and your family, and I am in your corner! 💕

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