Once upon a time, I was detained by airport security. Later I wrote about the ecstasy of the pat down and submitted the story to a literary magazine called Airplane Reading. Click the link to read if you please and thank you! Happy April!
Airplane Reading
Published
Faith + Gratitude = Peace + Hope 
Congratulations on your story publication. Off to read it!
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Thanks so much, Priscilla. I haven’t submitted much recently, so this publication was a nice surprise.
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Haha, that was a fun and funny read, Crystal!
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What a story! Funny, but not. Who knew about those jeans…?
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What’s in those jeans? A girdle of steel?
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Oh Crystal! You made me chuckle. Your jeans with the flattening power and your one liner – the most loving you have had 😉. Absolutely love it. I could picture it happening as I read your words and that is a testament to your writing.
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I agree!
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The TSA agent and I were intimate enough that I could be myself.
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That’ll learn ya!
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I learned something about wardrobe failure!!
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Too funny Crystal. I used to travel a lot for business and was often lucky passenger #3, selected for extra screening. I got a full pat down once and made the mistake of joking “Thanks for the full body massage” to the pat downer er patter down er…From that point on, Things got a little more in tense as he made sure he gave me what I though he was giving. Sometimes, I need to keep my mouth shut. Have a Happy Friday. Allan
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Sometimes somebody else takes over our mouths before we think too much. Oops!
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to you and the pleasure of that band from nova scotia april wine. oh boy!
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Thank you!!
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I wonder what TSA thought they saw. It is a good thing you could be a good sport about it.
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So what’s wrong with a simple girdle? Or, as in this case, a tummy control panel?
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Obviously they were concerned by its power to flatten!
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It was a blacked out oval potentially concealing something.
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“Back in the day” when I did fly, I wore loose trousers with an elastic waist for comfort until a TSA agent — a woman, no less — rather roughly nearly pulled down my pants. That was no mere pat down. That was a rub down. I kept grabbing my fashionable trousers. She kept slapping away my hands. Both of us kept yelling.
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Oh wow! I’m sure this is funnier in retrospect.
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What an experience! I could also see myself making a joke to relieve the tension and personal invasion. Didn’t know that about the tummy tuck jeans 🙂
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Rosaliene, just happy to save a friend!
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I don’t fly much either, but every time I have I’ve tried to be accommodating and joke about the craziness of the situation. The TSA workers never really seem to care for my humor. I guess after seeing hundreds/thousands of passengers a day, all thinking they’re they next great comedian, the bad jokes start to rub you the wrong way! Anyway, glad everything worked out for you!
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I can only imagine all the things they see and hear. I’ve wondered if this agent remembers me. Probably not.
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😂 😂 loved this!
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Thank you! It happened a few years ago, but I still laugh to think of it.
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LOL I usually wear some type of sundress and flip-flops to totally avoid TSA. Also, I once published an essay about how my afro was frisked…it was pretty humiliating.
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Oh my! I can only imagine. You might need to submit that story to Airplane Reading.
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I love this!!!!
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Your entertainment means a lot, Ashley!
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This is like my worst fear lol well, one of them… I have a fear of authority lol even if I am doing nothing wrong, I always think, “Okay they’re going to look up my history and find something, they will!!” LOL
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Hope my little tip helps you avoid this particular experience!!
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Double congratulations, Crystal. In general, for having your work published (yet again). A nice affirmation others recognize the same talent your blog readers enjoy.
In the more immediate sense, nice way to sooth with cheerfulness and humor a highly tense situation. Of course, you likely didn’t appreciate until afterwards just how tense it was. At that specific moment, though, events just overwhelmed. Even so, your aplomb speaks well of your personality.
Besides, in that situation, you needed to muster levity for two. Clearly, the TSA agent was lacking. Whether due to her personality, or because of her job requirements, I only can speculate.
“Ma’am, there’s nothing funny about security.”
Yep, you said it, sister.
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I wish I could share this story with that woman. We were so intimate, and I didn’t even catch her name.
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That’s incredible that you got your work published!! By the way, that airplane image had me swooning
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Thank you so much!! I’m still practicing.
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After your experience, maybe I should write one about how. the last time I flew, they did pat me down, as they have usually done over or around or near my new right hip, but nowhere near that area this time! I tried to make a bit of a joke about that “change” and could maybe use it as an example of all the other generally good changes that are happening for me now, like seeing your student on American Idol.
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Yes! You should write that one.
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Hysterical! OMG, thank you for the warning! My bra would cause a hell of a ruckus! Great story Crystal, tweeted! Hugs, C
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LOL! Might I suggest a sports bra?! Thanks for the tweet!!
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That’s freakin hilarious and how could she not laugh at that!!!
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A memory that still makes me chuckle!
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Crystal, your narrative was worthy of publication. Well done!
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Thank you! Thank you, Big Sky!
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